#1 - Part 2:
I laid on my sofa, pre-menstrual, and looking out to a frozen Denver, single digits 🥶. Should I watch Netflix? Should I masturbate? Should I call someone? Avoiding the default to smoke... I questioned my alternatives. I ended up smoking and tapping into my creative womb energy, I danced and played, geeked out on creative projects, and danced again. There’s something so powerful about this sacred time for a woman. We are releasing the literal life force, the sacred walls of a home, meant to nurture a human into this life. If human life wasn't created, can we channel this energy towards something else, like our passion projects? I’ve found that, personally, yes, very much so. As I allow myself to explode with creative visions, receiving downloads that fuel the desire for creation and action, this energy is then redirected. Sometimes, my heart subtly breaks that it’s not a child. And the older I get, and the very much still single I remain, the much more real this becomes.
My practice is to faithfully surrender.
So I smoke weed, I dance, and I let myself be wild and free while my body subtly ached in preparation for a sweet release that only the fullest expression of womanhood can experience.
There is a sweet connection between womb and cannabis. The cannabis plant, exists optimally in its feminine. Since only in the feminine does she bud, does she allow for a psychoactive experience. And, in times of one's deep feminine experience, she makes it hard to not want her. I believe that in her optimal state, she’s womb medicine.
My alternative [to smoking weed] was to lay around watching Netflix, scroll on Instagram, or maybe read a book. The modern human craves disassociation. More on that in another post.
Weed inspires me to move my body, to do something creative, and to think from different perspectives. So, I lean in.
At other times, it keeps me introverted and anti-social, it makes me confused and insecure, so then I listen and lean away.
As I ebb and flow, my practice is discernment.
As someone who works within the recovery space and is a future Addiction Counselor, I find it important to share my journey. Importantly, because it's not one of sobriety or abstinence, which makes it even "riskier" to share. As a counselor, you have to think about self-disclosing and the impact that will have on how people (clients) may perceive you. But at this point in time, I believe that resonance through truth and vulnerability can be powerful.
I’m in continual observation of my own behaviors and patterns. I definitely don’t have it all figured out, and I'm always working through it.
The question on my mind: what does it mean to live within drug culture with a curious non-judgmental mind?
Because the reality is that the grand majority of us live within drug culture, and I believe that existing in the perceived problem can bring forward-thinking solutions.
As I’m observing, modifying, continuously improving, and perhaps even optimizing, my relationship with [everything] I hope you’ll follow along on this journey 🤍